Check out the frames

So here’s the deal I have to wear my glasses, I hate that it makes me look like a middle schooler. Grrr… I don’t want to wear them but I need to because my eyes get so tired after reading for a while that it totally ruins my study time.

Out of balance, out of whack…..

I feel so out of balance that I can’t even put it into words; I have been so focused on school and assignments that I haven’t given myself any time to read for fun, to exercise, do yoga or even practice meditation. I feel constantly drained, regardless of how much sleep I get I never feel rested, the other day I slept almost 12 hours straight and still I feel more and more on edge, I am constantly stressed anxious and more than that I keep getting bad headaches which leads me to take pills to get rid of it. I am so frustrated with myself that I don’t even know what to do anymore. I wish I could take yoga, I miss it so much, and I miss how relaxed I felt afterward. I’m going to put balance back in my life and that is all there is to it. I’m making a schedule for myself that I will probably have to get used to but I will thank myself for it in the end. Even if it means less time to aimlessly wonder through the channels on TV it will be a small sacrifice. Balance is what I need and damn it I’m going to get it.

Out of balance, out of whack…..

I feel so out of balance that I can’t even put it into words; I have been so focused on school and assignments that I haven’t given myself any time to read for fun, to exercise, do yoga or even practice meditation. I feel constantly drained, regardless of how much sleep I get I never feel rested, the other day I slept almost 12 hours straight and still I feel more and more on edge, I am constantly stressed anxious and more than that I keep getting bad headaches which leads me to take pills to get rid of it. I am so frustrated with myself that I don’t even know what to do anymore. I wish I could take yoga, I miss it so much, and I miss how relaxed I felt afterward. I’m going to put balance back in my life and that is all there is to it. I’m making a schedule for myself that I will probably have to get used to but I will thank myself for it in the end. Even if it means less time to aimlessly wonder through the channels on TV it will be a small sacrifice. Balance is what I need and damn it I’m going to get it.

No more sidelines?….

I’ve said many times that I’m interested or ready to date, when really I’ve taken every opportunity to run away from it. I was asked out last semester and said no, although I know that was the right choice because he wasn’t my type in addition to the whole thing just felling totally wrong I know that it was some progress, this time it’s going to be different I’m fully open to trial and error. I have a feeling something might happen soon, I’m not sure how but I’m not going to run if it feels right. I want a connection which is a really good starting point, and from there I’ll just take it one step at a time. I will take more risks this year this is my resolution, who knows maybe I’ll go rock climbing, I’ve always wanted to do it but I’ve never had the courage to do it. I want to live my life not just stand on the sidelines and watch everyone else live life.

Yay 2009!!!……

Here I am another year older and hopefully wiser; I can’t believe I’m 22 or that it’s 2009! There’s so much that happened in 2008 that I wish I had taken more time to appreciate the moment fully. I was blessed to have my graduation ceremony for high school/GED, I started college, successfully completed my first semester with quite a descent GPA for my first semester 3.25, I made some amazing friends, learned more things than I expected to learn about music, life, love, sex, relationships, friendships, family, art, opera, theater, and myself.

I know what I’m about to say is going to sound terribly corny and silly but, here it goes: I made a resolution for 2008 that I am very proud to repot I actually kept- I swore I’d take chances, the inspiration for that resolution is Celine Dion’s Taking Chances CD and I am so happy I did because it made me a better person, a better friend, and taught me a lot about life. In one semester my life changed more than I could have expected to, I’m finally studying what I love Music, I got a talent scholarship to study music and even more shocking to me- I successfully performed before an audience and not only loved it but managed to overcome my performance anxiety. I am amazed at how God has truly showed me how powerful he is, I now understand that he really is in control. For many reasons over the last few years my faith was slowly dying but I know how powerful it is to know there’s someone on my side, going to school with me every day and guiding each step I take. Even though I feel small sometimes in that big school I know I am on the track that will get me to where I want to go.

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

XOXO

Where does the heart beat now….

Why is it that the things we want the most can prove to be the most difficult to obtain? Sometimes it feels like I’ve been looking for the “one” since I was five years old. There have been a few times in my seemingly long life that I thought I was close, and then fate proved me wrong. I’ve only truly loved one man in my life and my heart was shattered when it ended, and for a while there I didn’t think I’d ever again believe in love, much less find it again. But now that I’ve had time to lick my wounds and learn from my past I find that although I never thought I’d get over that huge blow, I find that I am now stronger and wiser than before. I guess it all depends on what you choose to do with the lemons life gives you, do you choose to make lemonade or do you choose to whine about the lemons you got?

Is something broken in me that cannot be fixed? Sometimes I ask myself that question, I haven’t had that; earth shaking, butterfly colony in my stomach, oh-my-god feeling in so long that I wonder if it’s me that’s the problem. After heartbreak, can you ever really love again? If you can is it ever truly honest or do you only share a part of yourself in order to self-protect in case it doesn’t work out and you are left again?

In the end is it all one big lie?

Tis the season for magic….

I’m so excited Christmas is almost here!!! I can’t wait to go shopping, I know this is a crazy time for shopping but I love the energy in the stores, the Christmas music, the feeling of joy in the cool weather. Ok maybe I’m sounding like I’m a little out of it, but I can’t help myself. I just love this time of year, it’s so cool to see how most people tend to have more compassion during this season, and it’s just so wonderful to see. I heard about this guy on TV this morning who had worked hard to buy his mom a diamond ring and was going to give it to her for Christmas but she died recently, so he dropped the ring in one of those salvation army Christmas collection buckets or something. He said he wanted to see it go to good use. People don’t do that usually at any other time, there’s just something magical about this time of year. I love it!